Easter, The Bunny

It’s important to take some time this Easter Sunday to remember what this holiday is really about, and there’s no better place to find this than this totally real quote from the Bible:
…and on the first day in the sealed tomb, Jesus awoke and invented chocolate. Yea, was it so good that He couldn’t control himself, and He ate so much of it that His tummy hurt. Though Jesus expected to rise on the second day, he had to spend the entire day recovering from intense chocolate shits.
Bored and in pain, Jesus created a pet bunny from the sand and named it Easter. Had he not had the company of the bunny, he may not have gotten through this terrible diarrhea.
Easter, having gone crazy from being in a sealed tomb inhaling diarrhea fumes for two days, took the chocolate shits and molded them into eggs.
On the third day, the Romans did open the tomb to find it empty. A bunny walked out with a bunch of shitty eggs in its hands, but the Romans, being fixated on the man missing from the tomb, didn’t even notice. Though one of them did comment on a weird sort of sweet, nutty smell, it was attributed to demons or something and never spoken of again.
Easter, coming back to his senses after finally getting some fresh air, decided to get rid of any evidence that he had created these shitty eggs. And yea, did he hide them in various places throughout Rome.
In a strange turn of events, the children of Rome found all of the eggs, and being stupid children, put them directly into their mouths.
And yea, was it gross. And yea, did Easter laugh for days.
So we must always remember the valiant sacrifice that Easter made to get Jesus through his painful diarrhea.
Amen.
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